Why Talking About Yourself Feels Uncomfortable… and What to Do Instead
There’s a particular physical reaction many people know all too well.
That moment where your shoulders tense, your stomach tightens, and something inside you quietly says: ugh, this feels cringe.
It often shows up when you try to talk about yourself.
Your work. Your perspective. Your experience.
Especially online.
And the common conclusion is: I must be doing something wrong.
But what if that feeling isn’t a warning sign at all?
What if “cringe” isn’t the problem… but a sign post?
Cringe is only relevant if you feel it
Let’s start with something important:
Other people finding something cringe is not something you can control, and it’s not something you should organize your life around.
Almost anything can feel cringe to someone.
That reaction has far more to do with the person experiencing it than with the person speaking.
Often, cringe is what arises when someone does something we secretly wish we could do ourselves, but don’t dare to.
It can carry traces of discomfort, envy, admiration, resistance.
A kind of dizziness that appears when someone crosses an internal boundary we haven’t crossed yet.
So if someone else feels uncomfortable watching you speak, share, or show up, that discomfort belongs to them.
Cringe only really matters when you feel it.
And when you do, it’s worth paying attention.
When cringe comes from inside, it’s a clue: not a failure
If you say something and feel yourself physically recoil, it’s rarely because speaking up is wrong.
It’s usually because you’re not fully connected to what you’re saying.
Maybe the words aren’t yours.
Maybe the framing isn’t true for you.
Maybe you’re borrowing language, tone, or positioning that doesn’t quite fit.
Cringe often appears when there’s a gap between:
what you’re saying
and what you actually stand for
It’s not a sign that you should be quieter.
It’s a sign that you should go deeper.
The real work is connection, not confidence
The way out of cringe isn’t better tactics.
It’s not sharper hooks, smarter positioning, or more polished storytelling.
It’s connection.
Connection to:
what you believe
what has shaped you
what you actually care about
what you can stand behind without contorting yourself
When you take time to understand:
what drives you
what values guide you
what experiences formed your perspective
what you’re willing to stand on, even if not everyone agrees
something shifts.
When what you say feels true in your body, cringe dissolves.
Not because everyone suddenly approves, but because approval is no longer the metric.
From “How do I sound?” to “I need to say this”
There’s a subtle but profound shift that happens once you’re connected to what you’re saying.
The goal changes.
It’s no longer:
How do I come across?
Do people like this?
Am I saying it right?
It becomes:
I need to say this.
This feels important to share.
This is part of how I make sense of the world.
At that point, speaking isn’t self-promotion.
It’s expression.
And that’s where the distinction between voice and performance begins.
Voice vs. performance
Performance is shaped by fear.
Fear of rejection.
Fear of being misunderstood.
Fear of not being enough as you are.
When you perform, you try to fit yourself into something that already exists.
You imitate tones, formats, opinions.
You act how you think you’re supposed to act in order to be accepted.
Voice, on the other hand, comes from alignment.
It’s not about sounding impressive.
It’s about sounding like yourself.
Voice emerges when you stop asking, How should I be? and start asking, What is actually true for me?
Cringe often appears when you’re performing something that doesn’t belong to you.
You don’t find your voice by thinking: you find it by using it
There’s no way around this part.
You can’t figure out your voice in isolation.
You find it by speaking, writing, testing, adjusting.
Subtlely. Imperfectly. Gradually.
You start small:
expressing one opinion you can stand behind
naming one experience that feels honest
articulating one perspective that matters to you
And over time, you begin to recognize yourself in what you say.
That recognition is what builds trust, with yourself first.
A kinder way to look at judgment
It also helps to look differently at criticism and mockery.
When people dismiss something as cringe, it often reveals:
where their own edges are
what they don’t allow themselves to do
what makes them uncomfortable about visibility, expression, or ambition
Seeing that doesn’t make criticism painless —
but it does make it less personal.
It reminds you that judgment is often a mirror, not a verdict.
It’s not more marketing you need… it’s clarity
If talking about yourself feels wrong, the answer is rarely to say less.
It’s to say something truer.
Not more strategy. Neither better packaging. Nor louder presence will help.
But deeper self-knowledge.
Because once you know what you stand for — really — you don’t need permission to speak.
And when your words come from that place, they stop feeling cringe.
They start feeling necessary.
