How to Regain Confidence After Parental Leave
There is something that happens when you come back to work after having a child that no one really talks about. People will ask how you’re sleeping, how the baby is doing, whether you’re ready to be “back.” But very few understand that you are not returning as the same person who left. You step back into the same office, the same role, the same expectations, but your inner world has shifted in a way that doesn’t fit the old structure anymore. And because everything around you looks familiar, it can be deeply confusing when your confidence feels off, your instincts feel louder, and your limits feel sharper.
For many women, this is where the real identity shift begins. Not the one about becoming a mother, but the one about becoming a different kind of leader or professional. Someone who is more true to themselves, than ever before.
You see things more clearly. You have less tolerance for noise. You notice the places where you used to stretch yourself thin just to fit in. You feel the weight of the invisible emotional labor you’ve carried for years. And you suddenly understand that your time and energy are not endless resources you can give away without consequence.
When I came back from parental leave myself, I thought I could return to the exact person I had been before. I had built a team. I knew my value. I had always been the one who could push through anything. So I tried to step right back into that version of myself, only to discover that she no longer existed. I couldn’t feel the spark I used to have. The politics that once felt manageable now felt heavy. The cultural undercurrents hit differently. I didn’t have language for it at the time, but it had changed, and I was starting to sense who I actually am, and what boundaries I have in an entirely different way. The job had also warped into something else. A job I explicitly didn’t want. I kept trying to force myself to be okay, until my body gave out before my mind caught up. I broke, quietly, and ended up on sick leave for three months.
What I learned the hard way is this: what feels like losing confidence after parental leave doesn’t mean you’re weaker. It means you’re more honest. What really is happening, is, in my humble opinion, that you are being forced to reconcile with who you truly are. And it means you can now see the gap between who you were trying to be and who you’ve really become. It means your old ways of working — the long hours, the perfectionism, the emotional caretaking, the “I’ll handle it” energy — no longer match the person you are. The instinct many women have in this moment is to blame themselves. They think they’re out of shape professionally, or that they’ve fallen behind, or that they should work harder to catch up. But what’s actually happening is much deeper and far more meaningful. You’re not out of shape. You’re work is out of alignment with what you’re actually capeable of or who you really are.
This is why confidence feels fragile during this transition. Your story: the one you built your work identity on, is outdated, but the new one hasn’t fully formed yet. You’re trying to operate from an identity that no longer fits, while the emerging one is still taking shape. It creates a kind of internal wobble, a sense of standing between two rooms: the one where you know the rules, and the one where your truth lives. And because nobody teaches women how to navigate this kind of identity shift at work, you end up feeling like you’re doing something wrong, when in fact you’re growing into a stronger, clearer version of yourself.
For many returning mothers, this is also the first time they really see the system they’ve been part of. You notice who gets protected and who doesn’t. You notice the people who can afford to be unavailable and the people who can’t. You notice the small comments that used to slide off your back but now sting. You see where the structure relies on women over-giving. And once you see it, it becomes impossible to unsee. This can shake your confidence, yes, but it can also lead you toward a more grounded kind of leadership: the kind rooted in clarity, boundaries, and values that matter.
Regaining confidence after parental leave isn’t about “getting back to who you were.” It’s about getting honest about who you really are. You may move slower for a while. You may feel unsure. You may feel like you’re rebuilding yourself from the inside out. That isn’t failure. That’s transition. That’s narrative leadership at its core — understanding that your story has unveiled itself, and letting yourself catch up to it.
You don’t need a five-year plan right now. You don’t need to make big decisions before you’re ready. You just need space to hear yourself again, so you can move forward from truth rather than pressure.
That’s why I created the Clarity Reset™. It’s a simple, gentle process for women who are returning to work feeling stretched, unsure, or disconnected from the person they were before. It gives you time and structure to listen inward, reconnect with your voice, and rebuild confidence from a place that actually feels real.
If you’re standing in this moment, where everything around you seems the same, but everything inside you is different, you’re not alone. And nothing about you is broken. You’re just becoming the leader you were always meant to grow into.
Start your Clarity Reset™
A grounding path back to yourself after parental leave.